YYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!!

3 August 2008

 

Add in an amputee, Skyline chili-dogs, that three-boobed chick from "Total Recal," and a laotian pool boy, and you've fulfilled my fantasy evening.

Add in an amputee, Skyline chili-dogs, that three-boobed chick from "Total Recall," and a Laotian pool boy, and you've fulfilled my fantasy evening.

Thank you, sweet, merciful, tap-dancing Christ: Football is finally back.  -Ish.  Today’s Hall of Fame Game marks not only the first outing of the ’08/’09 season, but also the end of having to cut myself every Sunday in order to distract from the emotional devastation caused by the lack of NFL games.  This is kind of how I feel right now:

This is football

This is football

 
This is me (that's a dude, right?)

This is me (that's a dude, right?)

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
This is us, together.  Only, picture this with more Whitney Houston music.

This is us, together. Only, picture this with more Whitney Houston music, and less '70's.

 
As you can tell, this is a very happy day for me.  But this is a food blog, after all, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the return of football also gives me a socially acceptable excuse to eat horrible snack food and drink unspeakable amounts of booze.  This first game, though merely an exhibition featuring back-ups and a conspicuous lack of effort, will be no exception.  The following is a recipe for a perfect Hall of Fame Game menu.
 
Ingredients:
Take-out Buffalo wings
Bottle of The Glenlivet
Hot chick
Football mix-CD
Your screamin’ voice
 
Preparation
Put on your football mix CD and rock out for a while (mine consists of fourteen straight tracks of “Welcome to the Jungle.”)  Bang a hot chick, then tell her to go out and get you some wings and a bottle of scotch.  Upon returning with said items, tell the hot chick to scram, ’cause you’ve got to get your football on.  Once the game starts (you should have already drunk the bottle of scotch and moved on to beer), use this as an opportunity to practice your screaming for when the real thing gets here AND THE MOTHERFUCKING, COCK-SUCKING BENGALS FAIL TO REACH THE GODDAMN PLAYOFFS, AGAIN  !!!!!!!
 
Soon to be the only connection Buffalo will have to football.  Sorry, Buffalo.

Soon to be the only connection Buffalo will have to football. Sorry, Buffalo.

 _____________________
P.S.  this should clear up any confusion as to the above lion reference, should any of you be, like, totally out of touch, dude.
 
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